If this was what you want;
You have it.






Sorry sorry, wrong info people!
This Wednesday then will be my CHINESE birthday. xD
mom says she's gonna cut cake with me this Wednesday night.
i'm contented enough.

feel as if i'm leading a rather simple life.
all i do is sleep, wake up, use com, eat then sleep again.
shiok!

slowly adapting to it now.



the lesson you taught me about; ღJasmine

Time's running out.






Tml is sunday.
Reminds me of church.
oh well...
Tml's my Chinese birthday.



There's tons of things and possibility on my mind now.
Its bursting out.
But i'm restraining it.
I feel that there's no where i can turn to anymore.
Not even a blog can be my refuge anymore.
All my rights has been strip off because of other person's rights.
And now i feel worst.

So have i made the wrong choice?
And the result now is i'm left with nothing.
Well, it's my own fault after all.
The responsibility is mine alone to bare.
After all, its the decision i made that results in this outcome.

No no, not trying to get sympathy.
Don't need that. (:
i'm fine like this.


the lesson you taught me about; ღJasmine

The memories that made me smile;
even when i walked down the road alone.





Today went down to CHEC to return Joann the 10bucks she lent me on Wednesday.
If it wasn't for her, i would have been able to have my listening.
THANKS A MILLION UHS!

Me and baby is still in an complex situation.
But when i finally turned my back and walk away from him, putting everything down and decided to let it go, I manage to see what's wrong with us.

It's all a misunderstanding.
After all the pain we got from our previous relationships.
The pain from those relationships had build a cation wall.
And we became too sensitive and stuff.
So when the alarm starts to ring, we panic and build a gap.
Hoping when the fire stops, we will be able to return.
But it made an opposite effect.

Baby, i want you to know that i love you for who you are.
Not because i want someone to kill time with.
I simply love you and just want to be with the one i love every single day of my life.
I don't want any day left missing with you.
I just wanna spent my laughter, joy and sadness with you.
I wanna be there for you and i hope you can be there for me.
I know this is selfish and too sticky.
I understand that there are time when u want time alone with ur frens.
Though i get sad, but i don't mind letting you do what you want.

I long for your love and your smile and the heart so pure that i can never stop loving.

I'm sorry for letting you misunderstand that i'm hooking other guys and stuff.
I know i'm being too close to them.
I promise to have more self awareness about the limits.

But baby, no matter how much i express, how much i say i love you.
I know we're both broken.
We fell, we bleed, we hurt and shattered.
This relationship...
I WANT IT TO GO ON.

But i lost the way, the confident.
i know u do too.
It hurts, it's scary, we're lost.
I'm scared.
Scared to lose you, scared to walk on.
I don't know what will come again at us.
What misunderstanding will it be next?
How strong are our relationship?
Will we be able to take another blow even if this time we manage to get through?
I dont want our love to end.
But will we be able to make it through?






tell me you love me, show me you love me, because my love for you will be endless; ღJasmine





P.S: i dont want this addiction to end.

The part of me which died.







Down with flu today.
Can't stop sneezing and it's getting irritating.
Stayed home today.
Don't feel like going out at all.
Sorry to those who asked me out today.


Photos and videos are amazing creations.
They bring back happy memories. ♥





the slightest and simplest things that makes my heart flutter and tears; ღJasmine

What will you do if you were me?
If you were able to see what i see
and feel what i feel?




I've been still struggling about to study first or to work first.
though there's little time left but if i put my heart into studying, two and a half month would be quite enough.
provided i study EVERY single day.

but mom says that she know i cannot do it.
she ask me to work this year and study next year.
so, okay...
i shall do as told and go back CHEC next year.


Remember i told you guys about my job interview?
yeah...
I got the job!
but i'll be only starting work next month.
awww...
means another month of suffering before i can get the pay.
I HOPE I CAN EARN AT LEAST $700 for next month!

then i wanna either buy a new HP or Dye my hair.
BUGGET abit, can only have either one next month.
xD


Had TOTALLY NOTHING to do today so kep surfing the net.
trying to keep myself busy so i won't think so much.
am thinking which phone should i get.
because recently, sonny ericson has a new model: W995
- It comes in RED COLOR [i like it!]
- and it's camera is 8.1MP + 16X digital zoom [WTH!!!!]
- and it's a MUSIC WALKMAN PHONE!!!
- color 262K
- slider design
- has wifi

TALK ABOUT WANTING GOOD CAMERA AND MUSIC AT THE SAME TIME.
the only thing it left out was... TOUCH SCREEN!!!
wth... if touch screen i comfirm buy!
cause i hate it when my nails break from pushing too much HP buttons.

Diamond2:
- 5MP cam + 8X digital zoom
- candybar design
- touch screen
- not bad music
- color 65k
- has wifi

So now it's Sonny ericson W995 VS HTC Diamond2




VS

DAMNIT!
to choose a non nail breaker or a nail breaker?
[x



i lost my confident and you lost your sight; ღJasmine

The love and gentleness i longed for;
just like a prince, we'll make our fairytale.





baby, i just read your blog.
it makes me REALLY HAPPY to hear that u still loves and care about me.
i feel all fire up all of a sudden. xD

i wanna love you and be as happy as how we used to be.
will that be possible for us?
let's work hard together alright?


I LOVE YOU MY BABY!; ღJasmine

i wished i hasn't dreamt of u last night;
because it was all a dream.





Looking at all our photos, our videos; gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling.
But when i look at how we are now.
The warm feeling turn icy cold at the dept of my heart.

Will we ever be the same again?
i question myself again and again.
Afraid to move forward nor backwards.
What do i have to do? What can i do?
Trying to lift myself up and move but the fear stops me.
Fear of falling, again and again.

Countless times i feel like just turning around and walk away.
But i never manage to do it.

What have become of us now?
What to do to be able to be like before?
idk, i'm scared, i'm in pain, we're in pain.

i'm still thinking a solution...
what can we do to make things better?...





YTD, went to had my O levels chinese oral.
nervous yet the conversation part is not bad i think.
Then look for the cleaner aunty and talk to her a little.
A PSB guy walk towards us and we started chatting.
He's the aunty's fren.
He intor me about PSB and studies stuff.
He gave me his name card and ask for my phone number so that he can give me more info about PSB.
i accepted the card but say it's okay, when i wan to know more about PSB, i'll call him, since i have his name card.

After that went to Orchard paragon and had my INTERVIEW.
all the france bosses are scary and so formal. T^T
train down to bugis after that to look for mummy to eat tgt.
After that train home again.
Having a terrible headache so decided to sleep after a while.
And today, i'm awake at 8plus.
My bio clock has changed to sleeping early and waking up early.
is this good news or what? (:




i need an island to refuge; ღJasmine

Blurred in your eyes;
the image of me.





Today woke up msg baby Good Morning.
He didn't reply.
sad
went to face book and saw that he was active about 25min after 11.01am
so i decided to try again.
waited almost an hour for his reply.
msg quite abit afterwards.

Miss my O level oral today.
was being inform abit too late.
So i went to polyclinic and had an MC.
TML going down to have my oral.
worried
Hope it'll not be too bad. T^T

at night, baby finally called me.
it doesn't take much to make me happy. (:

TML's me and baby's 4th month.
What will happen tml?...
i'm worried.



and i happen to come across this bulletin about girls in facebook.
i swear its so true:

1. We only talk about our ex boyfriends to explain how much better YOU are than they were, no other reason.

2. IT'S THE TRUTH! We need a little challenge too. It's OK to act a little uninterested sometimes (don't go screwing some other chick or extreme behavior of the sort), we like to have to work to keep you by our side too. If you are too sweet, too fast, a girl could possibly lose interest.

3. We don't buy things because we expect gifts back, we are being genuinely nice.

4. Girls don't always want to hang out with girls. Just because we have guy friends does not mean that we want to be with them. We probably already had the chance and didn't take it.

5. If you mess up, we will almost always get angry before we actually calmly explain everything.

6. We do not all like dollies and pink. Do not treat us like we are fragile.

7. If we complain to you, it is because we confide in you, not because we want to torture you.

8. Don't expect us to make the same mistakes your ex did. If we do, it is not because there is some huge conspiracy against you. Maybe you are making a mistake, not us. Do not compare our mistakes to hers.

9. Girls get jealous too, usually worse than guys. We always feel like we have to fight for you, and will say anything mean about any girl you were speaking to, even if we never met her. Don't take offense, be glad we care so much about it.

10. Do not make promises or tell us you'll call when you know you'll forget or fall asleep. We will wait hours for that call. Just tell us you'll talk to us tomorrow.

11. if there's another girl, tell us. You might be surprised at our reaction. We don't all want to be serious either. It beats sneaking around.

12. We really do feel unattractive or overweight. There is a lot of competition out there. We need to be assured, even if its 600 times.

13. We don't search for compliments in the way you think. We are helping you by telling you exactly what we need to hear. Do not get annoyed, it will most likely cause an argument.

14. We want to hear we are prettier than the girl in the magazine, even if its not true. We don't think its cheesy. Stick to it, no matter how hard we push you.

15. We DO want to be called hot by you, just not all the time. Change it up.

16. We know you don't care about what happened in our day, but listen. It hurts us a lot when you don't pay attention.

17. We watch plenty of movies with you where girls remove clothing and do outrageously abnormal sexual things. When we ask you to watch a love story with us, we only want to spend time with you. It will not kill you, and it doesn't make you less of a man.

18. We don't mean to embarrass you. Don't get so angry with us when we do. We already feel terrible. We'll try not to next time.

19. Flowers and chocolate don't make everything better. You do.

20. We don't want to change you. We met you the way you are, and we love you. The suggestions are just that. We are used to changing a lot about our appearance, and mean not to offend you.

21. We are not all materialistic. Back rubs and making us dinner (even if its a sandwich because you can't cook!) are plenty sweet enough.

22. We like to pamper you, just don't take advantage.

23. Don't expect us to cook for you all the time. If we do, appreciate it, and let us know you do.

24. We don't really want a fairytale romance. You have your fantasy girls, we have our fantasy love. It's meant to stay that way. We want what's real, too.

25. We think you are the hottest guy in the world, no matter what anyone says, or what you do.

26. If you are a friend, do not ever agree with a girl when she calls her boyfriend anything along the lines of an asshole. Stand up for him and try to be positive. She may get mad initially, but she will later appreciate it and probably realize she was just overreacting. If she loves him, even if he really is a jerk, she will not take your advice to leave him. She will only do that when she feels she is ready to. If you try to convince her she will question your motives and may not want to speak to you.

27. Don't expect us to always come to you. We want you to come see us too.

28. We don't like to be nagged about where we are going or what we are doing either, but we usually hear you out.

29. We might let you go, but we are never "cool" wih you going to strip clubs. We are being very understanding by letting you go. It is advised that you be just as understanding about our feelings towards it. Please do not come home and tell us about it. We'll like to pretend it never happened.

30. Do not call us crazy. We are emotional and act in mysterious ways, but you are pushing a huge button when you call us crazy.

31. We go to the club to dance with our GIRL friends, not other guys. No, it is not the same if you go. We all know you are not dancing by yourself or with your guy friends. Be reasonable with your comparisons.

32. No, PMS is not an excuse, but we do not mean to be shitty to you. It IS a biological fact. Expect an apology, but you do not have the ability to sympathize with dealing with cramps or unstable emotions, so try to be understanding.

33. It is a general rule: Do not speak about other women in front of us. Women are apt to be much more insecure than men, and while we should not be talking about men in front of you either, you are setting yourself up for more of those "searching for compliment" questions. That, and its plain disrespectful. Just do it when we aren't around.

34. We will always get annoyed when you act cocky. We know who you really are and we love you. We will deal with it, but we absolutely detest it.

35. If you are a friend, respect your fellow man and do not attempt to woo her or try to get her to participate in questionable things. She will try to ignore it, but she HATES it.

36. We dress sexy because we want YOUR sexual attention, no one elses.

37. We don't put on makeup to impress anyone but ourselves. Do not worry if we put it on just to go to the store.

38. We may hang out all day with friends, and not call or talk to you, but at night, we just want to be next to you.

39. We like to have clean fun. What you may think is ridiculous and boring, we may actually find exciting, especially when we do it with closest friends. Don't try to understand. Just accept it.

40. When we cry, just listen. Even if you have no idea what we are talking about or saying. All we need is to feel heard.

41. Be careful when you roughhouse with us. We might act like we want you to really try, but we know you are stronger than us.

42. Not all girls are afraid to feel inferior to their man, just don't be condescending.

43. Tell us your fantasies. we want to fulfill them.

44. We probably like the same things you do in bed, you just haven't given us time to get comfortable with you. We aren't all freaks from the get-go. Give us a chance.

45. just because we don't have sex with you when you offer it doesn't mean we don't want to or we are trying to tease you. Our mothers taught us wisely. Be patient: if you can't, move on.

46. We aren't porn stars, do not hold such high standards.

47. unless you want us to treat you like you don't matter around OUR friends, don't treat US that way.

48. We're nice to your family because we want them to like us, so we can be closer to you. It does not always mean we like them.

49.Just because we say we love you doesn't mean we want to get married. You don't have to get sacred and run away. We'll understand if you don't feel that way too.Remember that we are emotional. We just need to know where we stand with you.

50. We're not trying to betray you when we ask your guy friends advice on our relationship with you. They know you best, and we're probably only saying good things about you anyway.

51. We don't expect you to be like the guys in the movies that romance the girl. We know life isn't like that. Don't worry so much about doing amazing things, just thoughtful things. For instance; cleaning dishes, spending the night alone, making the bed, or remembering something that she might forget. We appreciate that so much more.

52. Don't freak out about Valentine's day or anniversaries. If the girl is mad that you forgot your three month anniversary, she needs to grow up (move on, it's ok). Kisses, cards, and/or just a Happy Valentine's day hug are absolutely acceptable. We understand that you can't buy or do outrageous things.

53. Tell us what you want in bed. You are not as easy to figure out by reactions. If you want it, just ask.
Don't push it if she won't do it. She probably has good reason, and it will just make her feel terrible if she can't or isn't comfortable with doing it. We never want to deprive you.

54. It's ok to confide in us, even if you cry. We will not tell the world of your weaknesses or make you feel less masculine because of it.

55. We don't expect you to have 6 pack abs, nor do we really want you to. Like huge boobs and perfect asses, they are just nice to look at.

56. We don't want to hear about your past sexual endeavors. We really don't care how many people you've been with, just that you are with us now. However, we are naturally curious, and will ask questions. Don't EVER answer them. EVER. No matter what we say.

57. Hide your porn properly. We don't want to know that you have it or use it. It hurts to know that we may not be providing you with something that you need.

58. Girls snoop. Especially when we just meet you. We're sorry, but we automatically have no trust in you, and must find out for ourselves what you are like. A lot of us won't admit it, and may never tell you that we have. It's a terrible habit of which we are ashamed. Remember this when you have old photos or other things you do not want us to see in your room.

59. Most girls will just want you to be honest with them, even if it hurts. If you just want sex, make it clear. Not all girls need to be lied to to get them in bed. We like to have fun too. If the one you are going after is not interested, I'm sure there's another at the bar more than willing.

60. Do not sleep with a girl if she is drunk unless you are prepared for the worst drama of your life. She may deny it, she may own up to it, she may make you look like a schmuck to the entire town. Either way, know the consequences




is there anything about guys? =X



smiling and looking into each others eyes; it's gone; ღJasmine































P.S: Broke down again today; sensitive&emotion, i know. [information sake]

Dreams are dreams;
there's a point of time when we have to wake up.




Today woke up 8.40am+.
msg baby good morning and went off to use com.
Think alot today.
and kinda made a decision...

Afternoon, mummy woke up.
ask her to bring me out if not i might suffocate at home.
Went shopping.
Bought 1set of clothes, a belt, a necklace and ankle socks.
Forgot to bring my HP out.
worried that someone might contact me.
BUT IT PROVE ME WRONG.
and prove my theory right.
depressed

Came back home, did some house chores and went to bed.
msg baby good night.
but no reply.

woke up not long ago.
couldn't sleep anymore.
been feeling sick.
Who cares?
die better.

been looking sad recently...

would you notice me; ღJasmine

There's no other;
look into my eyes and tell me i'm the only one you see.




i wish my mummy wake up soon and bring me go shopping and stuff.
Then can buy a few clothes i've been eying on and take lota pictures.
i'm dead bored at home.
with no MONEY to even go out.

Somehow i feel like i've forgotten something important today.
Oh, whatever.

alot of things been bothering me...
it hurts and it's depressing...
i hope all well, ends well...


take a look at me; ღJasmine

Would everything be alright;
even though we're sorry?

Finally willing to take photo with my lousy 2MP HP.
T^T

Today woke up around 11am.
Used com all the way.
Then 4.50 went to prepare and all.
Then met mummy for dinner @ the Jap FoodCourt.

After that went shopping alittle.
Bought two shoes.
And help mummy choose some new clothes.
Hahas.

Been craving for shopping since April.
Haven got to do that as i'm always broke.
I'm so gonna work full time for the next job.
FULL TIME!!!
earn lots lots money & go shopping!
And eat good food with baby!
My money is Baby's money! ♥

Me and baby's 4th month coming le.
i hope i have enough money to celebrate with him.
Having money problems now.
And my contact lens is long over due but i'm still wearing it.
-Waiting to turn blind-
DAMNIT!

the other day i went to fareast and cut hair.
i saw tons of pretty clothes!!!
OMG!
Shopping~~~ T^T

Any way, here's the shoe mummy bought for me.

This is pretty i swear

Curve BLACK shoe! [interesting & very comfortable!]

Sometime ago, had breakfirst at StarBucks in the morning.
Latte wif strawberry yogurt and...

AND Yummy waffle!

And i'm currently in love with a HTC phone.

HTC Diamond2

The look of it is pretty and its 5MP and touch screen so it won't break my nails anymore!
I hope the music sounds would be nice and loud enough.
AIMING THIS PHONE AS MY NEXT TARGET BUDDY. [x


it doesn't change e fact bt strengthens one ♥, if it didn't, there's no point anymore; ღJasmine

The face i long to see,
the hand i long to hold,
the warmth i long to feel;
It's all back.





YTD chat with baby in MSN in the morning then noticed he was sick.
so went to bought papaya, ham and bread for him.
Papaya is rich in Vitamin C which is good to kill flu virus or whatever u call that.
Then Ham and bread is just in case my baby hungry.
Then can eat.

It was raining and baby's sleeping.
So i walk to baby house and waited under his block for him to wake up.
Saw Ramat on the way there.
He was going to his grandma house so he accompany me a while for the rain to stop.
When the rain finally stop.
Baby woke up.
so i went up and left the stuff by the door for him and left.

Then baby ask me to come up.
So happily, i did!
When baby gave me a nice warm hug, tears kinda start coming out of my eyes.
After that i went in his house with him, waited for him to finish bathing then we watch 3movies tgt.
First was Watchman, then after that was a murdering case with police and blood and gore show, then it was a comedy show but watched half way then need go meet Joanne and Vince.
After that they came up again and we watch X-Family and waited for the others to be ready then we go 85 market eat.
baby treat me eat.
Then chat with Joanne alot.
And did meet Willy, Wei yi along with CJ and two other people.
They were doing their video of violence again at the near by playground.
WOAH!


After that, we cab back and went to Joanne house.
She lent me a couple of stuff for the night.
The shorts she lent me sure is special.
i don't even know how to tie it.
have to ask baby to help me tie it in the end.
hahas.

After that walk Vince home as the guys wanna drink water or something.
Then i cannot breath properly.
Too much plants~~~

after that we head off home, baby home.
Changed and went to sleep all the way till afternoon 2.30pm.
It's so good to be able to hug baby to sleep.
Make me feel like never wanting to sleep alone again anymore.
It's like a dream...

The first thing u see when u open ur eyes in the morning.
The one you love.
You turn over and hug him, looking at his sleeping face and whispered a "Good morning."
Not expecting him to reply, he surprised you with a "Morning..."
And you smiled, slowly bend over and softly kissed his cheek.
Lying back down, looking at him still sleeping, or maybe half aslp.
You hug him and start to feel so warm and fuzzy again.
Eyes start to close and you fall aslp back in his arms.
-doki doki-


when baby wake up, we tickle each other and all on the bed a while.
then he went on to use his lovely com play games while i on song with my Hp and slack.
But we still continue disturb each other a little here and there.

After that bath and all and we went out to parkway and met up with Marc and his GF.
Chat with his GF quite alot.
and i'm quite proud of myself for being able to make a few girl friends which i'm very bad at.
xD

After they finish their food in Mac.
Baby send me off to the bus stop.
Then i took BUS135 to AMK and train home from there.
tired tired...
slept all the way on the bus.

Got home, tio nag, cook raman.
Then went out to meet Ramat at the mrt station as my pack is with him.
WTF!
i dunno how it even left with 8 sticks.
and worst is, i dont remember how much i actually left.
but i'm sure i didn't took that much.
-FORGET IT-

went home and ate my raman, watched show and waited till like 3 or 4plus.
baby still not home so i went to sleep first.
then 6 plus baby still haven msg me that he reach home already.
so i msg him again.
he said he playing mahjong.
then this morning, i saw his msg.
he lost 200+ bucks!
WTH...
oh well...
i hope next month would be better month filled with more money!
xD


No, i don't wanna go through another of those things called, 'QUARREL' again; ღ Jasmine

Bet On It;
Let's Take Another Chance & Give It Another Try.
We'll Never Know If It'll Success Unless We Try Again.




How many days has it been since i last saw baby???...
i miss my baby...

What will become of us now?...

Today finally had my haircut at 5.30pm.
Cut something like bangs.
Here's the photo!

there's some uneven strains of hair. xD

i want to be able to love you again; ღ Jasmine

if you will only appear when the lights are out;
i will turn off my lights and wait for you.





didn't go cut hair ytd.
my eyes were so freaking red that i fear that i will scared people off thinking i am a zombie or smth.
so went to slp from 12pm to 8pm
mummy bought me dinner and i ate it.

after that suffocated at home till i couldn't take it anymore.
been wanting to go out and walk around to loosen up abit.
quarreling with my parents; i finally walked out of my house at 1am
tears ran down my face as i walked out.

train down to AMK and bused to find nehemiah.
talk alot.
been wanting to msg Baby since morning but didn't have the courage to.
nehemiah pushed me to msg him and i finally accumulate enough courage to do so.
he didnt reply
my courage felt like it drop back down to zero.

mummy even called me and KaoPeh me.
so i hung up and cried again
sadly, nehemiah only have toilet paper for me to wipe my tears.

after that we watch clips in youtube of magic tricks.
learn a trick or two. (:

after that we went out to smoke.
pick up my courage again to msg BABY.
gave myself a pad on the back after that.
he's probably sleeping by then.
idk

nehemiah fell aslp while talking to me in his room around 4amplus.
recalled alot of memories of me and baby.
the day i lost my wallet after i got my new sim card and baby went around to help me look for it.
and the day we slept at nehemiah's room floor along with timmoty and carman.
[his morning glory whole night.]
xD
and alot alot more.

when its going to 5am, i look through my msges and noticed its about to full up.
so cleared my inbox from 5am to 5.30pm and went downstair to eat alone.
then bus back to AMK MRT station and then train back to yishun and went home.






i miss him...
not just because i needed someone to pei me du guo everyday.
but i miss his presences.
though it gets irritating sometime when he keep on looking at chio bu,
and i gets all jealous[SERIOUSLY]
but...
it's just that i selfishly only wants him for myself.
its him that i want to be with everyday, every min, every second of my life.
someone i dont want to have missing in my life.


i'm sorry baby...
for not contecting you,
for leaving you waiting,
for leaving you thinking,
for blaming you and
for breaking the promise of never to give up easily.
i'm sorry.

and lastly...
you're the one i wished so BADLY to spend my birthday with.
even though i have my family, my friends...
but it'll never be completed without ur presences...
i'm still very depress about my birthday.
infact, on that day, i wished i was NEVER BORN...

and actually, i didn't even cut a cake.
i told my mom i dont want to.
sorry nehemiah, i lied to you.
my excuse is: because i wanted to be alone for a while.
i didn't return home at all after i told u i was.
i walked around yishun and...
yeah...
cried.

sorry, i kept saying i cried but i'm not asking for pitiness.
this is my blog, i just felt like blogging it down.



To Lonely boii:
Hey, thanks for ur long long and totally filled up my tagbored de TAGS.
You woke me up. So... Thanks for the wake up call. (:
and... i love him!
So... i'm not gonna give up this relationship.
Unless... he wants to.
But before that, i will try my best.
i'm already thinking of ways to apolegise.
Even if it takes me to seems like a BIANTAI.
even if i am, i am only gonna be ANDY'S BIAN TAI.
hahas. [x




if your love is true; don't leave me.
because mine aren't fake either.
i want to be with you; even if it takes up the rest of my life and beyond ; ღ Jasmine

If i were to die tomorrow;
What would you do?

Don't know what's wrong with my body recently...
having insomnia, gastric pain, headache, mang chang tong and stitches quite often lately.
haven slept for 2days...
AM I GONNA DIE SOON?
=X

i wanna go cut hair, cut hair cut hair!!!
a while more i'm going to bath and go down fareast alone and ask my hair dresser for opinion and see if today can cut not.
i'm left with 16 bucks. T^T
needa lend from my parents for the haircut.
scared that the hair wouldn't fit me.

hugged my DINO the whole night.
almost created another Singapore river.
xD

and my gastric been hurting since 5 in the morning?
and it's still hurting now.
think i'm gonna hab gastric problem soon.
weak body i have here.

oh yeah, and i'm having abit of flu.
better than fews days ago though.



contriditing(:
i'm trying not to think about it and think about it at the same time.
as in not the sad part but the happy part and how to solve it now.
GYAAA!
GOD DAMNIT!
life is so troublesome...


P.S: i dont know anymore.


if only SORRY is the BACKSPACE in life; ღJasmine

Today slept from 1.30pmplus to 4pm.
bath and met up with christ kor and joel di.
ate abit then they left.
meet mummy then go sakae sushi eat.
after that 9plus went to sambawang meet matt and yuhang.
10plus went off home.
then 11.50plus went off to meet nehemiah.

Cant stop the tears from falling;
We used to be so fine; When you walked into my life.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MYSELF.[ fucking birthday like u've said.]

what can i do?
there's nothing.
waiting for u to do smth?...
yeah...
i couldn't think of any other way.
saying i was giving up...
yeah, dumb i agree.

if i keep asking, wouldn't it be irritating for u?
if i keep thinking, would it even be productive?

the worst girl u met?
i agreed, i never said i was the best.
all i know is how to love & accept & give whatever i can give...
solving problem was never my thing,
that's why my relationship with anyone has never been a good one.
blame who?
blame me for not being clever enough. [i'm just blaming myself]
seriously, i know i am never a clever person.

i tot of ways:
- go down to school and wait for u?
are u even in school? won't i seems like a stalker/bian tai? knowing u dont wanna talk to me. do going down mean anything?
-go ur house wait for u?
it would seems even more bian tai. =="
- msg/msn u and talk it out?
u dont wanna tell me what's wrong and i keep pestering u, won't u find it a bother?

waiting was my only option.
because of the insecurity, i dunno if i might just make u hate me more or smth...
what else could i do, u tell me?

no point telling me, i wont understand, fucking birthday, worst girl, fucking bitch, pathetic, attract attention, make the whole world think u treat me badly, not mature enough...
these words are said by who to who?
no no no, i'm dead, it doesn't hurt me.
=.=

i know i'm nt the only one hurting.
i did not only consider my own feelings.
i did tot of u too.
if not why don't i just say those nosensical words to u too?
because i know it'll hurt u.
why i always kept quiet all of a sudden, why i never really complained about anything, why i never tell u what's wrong with me all of a sudden?
becoz i tot of u.
i just swallow down whatever it is and take it.
like miss evon said, when u love someone, u gotta accept them as who they are, that's wad i did.
i didn't complain, didn't ask u to change.
because love is present.

baby, i really don't know what's wrong.
i can only keep asking, what's wrong with us now?
it's up to u whether u wanna answer me or just keep pushing my inproductive brain to THINK.

the only thing i could think of is
1. i didn't contact you after that day's quarrel.
2. i went out with my last time frens without telling you.
3. didn't contact u for the following days.
4. got fucking drunk one stupid night and cried like a dog.

and why when i didn't contact u, u dont contact me.
its not like i said "DONT SMS ME".
i didn't.

i didn't msg u cause i dont wan you to say "why is it everytime after we quarrel, you acted like nothing has happen the next morning"
so i kept quiet waiting.
everytime i was the one who looked for u, ask u where u are, i go find you, have u eaten, u wake up for school already yet and stuff.
why is it that u can't just pick up ur hp and just sms me when u miss me.
just by saying u miss me in ur blog at the end of the day without a call or msg doesn't really prove the fact.

baby, do u know waiting for ur msg and calls are like waiting for miracle.
its as if only when something big happen then u will call or msg me.
is it really that hard to pick up ur phone and dial those numbers and type those words?

i'm sorry that i'm complaining now.
i'm sorry i cannot tell u in ur face.
i can't.
ur face scares me.
i don't dare to speak about this while looking at ur face.
it scares me to see u angry.
that's why i always choose to run/walk away.
my mind always goes blank.
i can't think for myself when i look at u.
all i can think for is you when u're standing infront of me.
"how to make him not angry", "how should i apolegise", "what should i say" was all i could think of.
nothing for myself, none, zero.

while looking at u, i envy u.
u can speak ur mind, state ur points even though i am right infront of u.

i'm not tryiong to provoke u.
i'm not.

anyway, today's ur last day of probation.
*clap clap*
congratz!
go enjoy urself to the fullest tml bahhs.
i know u will, i know u can, even without me.

anyway...
HAPPY FUCKING BIRTHDAY TO MYSELF AGAIN.



Upcomming programes:
8 july going cut hair.
12 july going out with sarah
15 or 16 july going job interview
19 july meeting sec school group for movie.

the rest are all still empty so people, meet me up alright? (:



to all those who wish me a happy birthday like Baby, ZhiHaoKOr, Joel di, AndyLum, PohLi, huat, chewping, amos, ahHuai, Sebas, JasmineKhool, tiFf=), Nehemiah and my cousin GiGi, seriously, THANKS YOU! (:




can you hear me? just take me with you; ღJasmine













it'll be the best present if you could,
embrace me with ur warmth & love once more.
wholeheartedly i shall receive.

iloveyou;
but what can i do?

firstly baby,
i'm not telling the world i am so pitiful nor trying to attractions attention.
i'm just expressing myself in my own blog and looking for people to celebrate my birthday.
secondly,
i am really dumb enough to not know what's actually wrong with us.
i will never know unless u tell me.
3th,
i did type i hate you but it was because the pain was unbearable.
i dunno what u think, what u want and what's wrong so it was like 'yi qi zhi xia'
4th,
thanks you for wishing me a happy birthday.
atleast in this sad day, i could still smile for a few second.

but i really feel like giving up soon...
[asshole[me]]

and to all those who wish me a happy birthday like ZhiHaoKOr, Joel di, AndyLum, PohLi, huat, chewping, amos, ahHuai, Sebas, JasmineKhool, tiFf=), Nehemiah and my cousin, seriously, THANKS YOU! (:



humans makes mistakes; ღJasmine

i dunno what got into it.
i suddenly snap out of it.

Maybe my logic start to work again.
LOL.

if there's love, there's a way.
if there's no love, there no way.
simple as that.

and so, i believe in LOVE.

and life is not all about love of lovers but love or family and frens too.
so shall not be so stuck anymore.
find frens and go out & be happy! (:

“ You can erase someone from your mind. Getting them out of your heart is another story. ”

please make the pain go away.
izzit me or are u ignoring me now or smth?
i dunno what's up wif us anymore.
are we in it or out of it?
birthday are no different from other days.
i just want it to be a normal one; fill my days with you & your love.



i always read the lyrics, stories and poem that love is like poison.
i dont quite understand the meaning of it.
untill now..
killing you from inside out, slowly, silently, torturing you, tearing you apart.
knowing every second without an antidote, you're dying.



kill me fast, i dont wanna suffer like this no more; ღJasmine

Don't blog, don't see, don't care, don't wait.
i'm not gonna blog today, i'm not staying today, i'm not gonna on my phone on sound today.
trying my best not to care, not to bother.
but infact, secretly, i'm still waiting.

i hate this part.

Tuesday my birthday.
it seems so meaningless now.

birthday...
so?
no big deal.

fuck it...
i give up.

fuck.
i hate you.

Once More;
i wanna see ur smile & hold you in my arms

Today's the 4th day without baby.
waited and waited...
hoping baby will msg and call me soon..
no msg, no calls, nothing.
asking myself again and again, should i just contact him myself or just wait.
chosen waited in the end.
can't stop wondering why baby never call nor msg.
asking myself "do baby not miss me?"
"if he do, why he dont want msg me?"
day by day...
the more i feel the phone is useless.

but now i realize, baby had the same choice as me; wait.
why?...

been catching up with some 'long time no see' frens recently.
nami, bryan & YuHang.
multi racial.
Malay, Indian & chines.

watched movie, go eat, play poker cards most of the time.
met elisious, kel, zul, kuma from them.
manage to enlarge my circle of frens abit.

day spent without my baby can never compare to the time when we're tgt.

i miss him...

i want no one other than YOU; ღJasmine