if you will only appear when the lights are out;
i will turn off my lights and wait for you.





didn't go cut hair ytd.
my eyes were so freaking red that i fear that i will scared people off thinking i am a zombie or smth.
so went to slp from 12pm to 8pm
mummy bought me dinner and i ate it.

after that suffocated at home till i couldn't take it anymore.
been wanting to go out and walk around to loosen up abit.
quarreling with my parents; i finally walked out of my house at 1am
tears ran down my face as i walked out.

train down to AMK and bused to find nehemiah.
talk alot.
been wanting to msg Baby since morning but didn't have the courage to.
nehemiah pushed me to msg him and i finally accumulate enough courage to do so.
he didnt reply
my courage felt like it drop back down to zero.

mummy even called me and KaoPeh me.
so i hung up and cried again
sadly, nehemiah only have toilet paper for me to wipe my tears.

after that we watch clips in youtube of magic tricks.
learn a trick or two. (:

after that we went out to smoke.
pick up my courage again to msg BABY.
gave myself a pad on the back after that.
he's probably sleeping by then.
idk

nehemiah fell aslp while talking to me in his room around 4amplus.
recalled alot of memories of me and baby.
the day i lost my wallet after i got my new sim card and baby went around to help me look for it.
and the day we slept at nehemiah's room floor along with timmoty and carman.
[his morning glory whole night.]
xD
and alot alot more.

when its going to 5am, i look through my msges and noticed its about to full up.
so cleared my inbox from 5am to 5.30pm and went downstair to eat alone.
then bus back to AMK MRT station and then train back to yishun and went home.






i miss him...
not just because i needed someone to pei me du guo everyday.
but i miss his presences.
though it gets irritating sometime when he keep on looking at chio bu,
and i gets all jealous[SERIOUSLY]
but...
it's just that i selfishly only wants him for myself.
its him that i want to be with everyday, every min, every second of my life.
someone i dont want to have missing in my life.


i'm sorry baby...
for not contecting you,
for leaving you waiting,
for leaving you thinking,
for blaming you and
for breaking the promise of never to give up easily.
i'm sorry.

and lastly...
you're the one i wished so BADLY to spend my birthday with.
even though i have my family, my friends...
but it'll never be completed without ur presences...
i'm still very depress about my birthday.
infact, on that day, i wished i was NEVER BORN...

and actually, i didn't even cut a cake.
i told my mom i dont want to.
sorry nehemiah, i lied to you.
my excuse is: because i wanted to be alone for a while.
i didn't return home at all after i told u i was.
i walked around yishun and...
yeah...
cried.

sorry, i kept saying i cried but i'm not asking for pitiness.
this is my blog, i just felt like blogging it down.



To Lonely boii:
Hey, thanks for ur long long and totally filled up my tagbored de TAGS.
You woke me up. So... Thanks for the wake up call. (:
and... i love him!
So... i'm not gonna give up this relationship.
Unless... he wants to.
But before that, i will try my best.
i'm already thinking of ways to apolegise.
Even if it takes me to seems like a BIANTAI.
even if i am, i am only gonna be ANDY'S BIAN TAI.
hahas. [x




if your love is true; don't leave me.
because mine aren't fake either.
i want to be with you; even if it takes up the rest of my life and beyond ; ღ Jasmine